Dating A DJ

jealous GF
In time honoured tradition I’ll lay out my reasons for this blog entry right off the bat. Recently I saw a rather amusing post on stalkbook (Read It Here) about DJ Booth Hangers and it evoked thoughts of those annoying bints you see on Boiler Room TV trying to get a piece of the DJ. I also recently started dating someone, let’s call her Heather to protect her innocence. Now Heather said to me that three things popped out of my online dating profile, they were: “Tortoise, Divorcee, DJ”. Finally, before going out on my initial date with Heather, a workmate said “Surely you don’t struggle to find girls being a DJ?” so I’m going to tackle those points and then some and hopefully see what your thoughts are too?

Before I touch on that though, I want to ask you the question: Have you ever dated a DJ or are you a DJ that struggles to hold down a relationship, due to friction caused by your ways and your partners paranoia??

I’m not saying that DJs are incapable of holding down relationships, we aren’t socially inept, far from it, it’s just tough for some individuals to handle, from both sides of the fence. DJ Fresh recently split from a long term relationship and stated he’s home 1 or 2 days a month, so will find it hard to concentrate on being half of a couple. Another point to note that he’s in his late 30s and waited quite some time for the fame he now has, so isn’t willing to compromise that, for a relationship. Would you be happy to see your partner for only a few days a month??

Back to my opening paragraph then and let’s tackle the online dating thing head on. Yes, I use online dating. All my close friends and family know this and to be honest, it’s not a taboo thing anymore. If anything, it’s a sensible method of meeting new people. All my best mates are married and most have kids, as if they have time or even give two shits about trying to hook me up with one of their partners mates, like people did when they were younger. You’ll probably be more aghast at me listing my Tortoise in my profile but Heather picked up on it, so, In. Your. Face!!

Now on to that “Surely you don’t struggle to find girls being a DJ?” line. If I had a quid for every time I have heard that, I’d have about twenty seven quid. But I need to explain myself here and also look at the different types of DJ. Funnily enough, we aren’t all the same. Firstly I’d like to state that I’ve never actually pulled a girl when I’ve been DJing, neither has a girl been successful in a pulling attempt whilst I’ve been DJing. Yes, I was introduced by a friend to their friend at a gig, but I’d finished DJing and Yes, I met a girl in Dubai, whilst out partying, on a day when I wasn’t DJing and both turned into long relationships. More importantly, I’m not likely to pull in a club because a) I simply do not have the confidence or inclination to randomly go and chat up girls and b) most girls in clubs are about 22 tops. Just to reiterate for those that don’t know, I’m fast approaching my 38th birthday. I’m not a shy person, but I won’t be the guy trying to drop lyrics on some young hotty. I’m really not that kind of bloke.

That bloke does exist though and that’s where the womanising DJ stereotype comes in. I’ve plenty of DJ pals who abuse their situation. I’ve got DJ pals massively punching above their weight and I’ve got DJ pals that are older and happy to date young pups that are wet behind the ear, and that was EAR!! I’ve even got DJ pals that have a long term relationship and a kid, that whilst on a gig in Paris picked up a girl and tried to find a hotel room at 6am in the morning and was subsequently denied. He then came back to the hotel room we were sharing and proceeded to ‘subtly’ sneak into the bathroom as to not wake me whilst they done their thing. Thankfully they went into the bathroom. Our beds were less than a foot apart.

The above story won’t do the DJ trade any favours, but let’s be honest, it’s not a surprise to anyone reading, is it? But what I’m saying is that you only really focus on the grubbier end of the story. Who pays attention to the stories of people that have had long faithful relationships? Human nature gravitates towards the gossip, unfortunately. There’s a DJ I mentioned in a previous blog who spends most of his time apart from his wife in LA, he pretty much never talks about her, but she is his wife nonetheless and maybe being apart keeps things fresh? Maybe the answer is for DJs to just date other DJs? Laidback Luke recently got engaged to Gina Turner. Just think of the geek out chats they can have about rare 12”s.

There is another side to the DJ’s character that could be hard to accept. The geekery. Obsessing about new music, old music, music, music, music. “I bet you love your CDJs more than me?” that question has been asked by a partner somewhere in the world and the answer sometimes is definitely YES, YES they do!! It can be all encompassing if you fully submerge into the murky waters of the music industry. Endless days in the studio making tracks, hours upon hours trawling download sites for new music, dead hours spent travelling to gigs and stuck in airports, nights spent in clubs, rolling in when everyone else is getting up. You may see it as a social job or hobby, but in fact it can be rather anti-social.

To summarise, we aren’t all wronguns, just 87% of us are. Holding down a relationship can be a test of two people, but primarily it comes down to strong understanding and plenty of trust. If you’ve got those qualities in abundance, then there’s every chance a relationship with a DJ can work……although it won’t with me, if you want to come and stand in the DJ booth with me whilst I DJ and act the goon. Leave acting the goon to me.

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4 Comments

  1. Nice blog dude and I agree completely!
    When I was single and DJing the girls you would meet were more interested in the extravagant lifestyle they believed you had being a DJ than in the dude underneath the headphones.
    They have some dillusion that being with a DJ will mean they are showered with diamonds, get VIP everywhere and live the life of Riley. I discovered that they are not as impressed when you pick them up in a 14 year old Renault Megane (with the radio stuck on Heart fm) and take them back to your one bed flat in Chatham.

  2. Well said mate, hitting so many nails on the head! The comment I take most offence to is “DJ’s are all the same” and as you’ve pointed out we’re not and it always urges me to reply “Why how many have you been with?”. The one thing where DJ’s are the same is the passion for music, which is why we do what we do and yes it would be nice to meet likeminded partner’s but that isn’t the be all and end all (opposites attract and keeps things interesting). For anything to last there has to be some depth & connection, being with someone for what they do rather than who they are will have no lasting power (in my opinion). Personally I’d rather be with someone that wants to be with me as a person, not for what I do do or who I know (I’ve been there, its grim).

  3. I dated a DJ who was a player. He had a girlfriend and still flirted endlessly with other women. He would even make out with women in the DJ booth and when he wasn’t DJing. I know other DJ’s and they aren’t all the same. I know that this was this particular guy.

    If you’re a regular DJ at a certain spot you will more than likely develop a familiar following. The same people will show up week end and week out and yes he dated majority of the women who oo’ed and coo’ed over him. It was too much for me to handle. He is currently dating a woman that he met in the same social circle that he DJ’s in. They’ve always flirted but have now only been dating 4 months. I notice that he invites her to the parties he DJ’s and she often seems uncomfortable because she isn’t a social butterfly. If he continues to babysit her, they will probably work out but if he doesn’t has to has to also tend to his regular fan base I think once they become more deeply involved this will create a problem as it has in all of his previous relationships.

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